This is the first paragraph from my magnum opus, i was reading it over, and i felt that it was interesting, yet I felt it could have been better, so I'm looking for feedback on how to do just that!
________
Just the thought of it turned my stomach, let alone having to stare at it. The smell in the air was thick; the stench was raw. I couldn’t help but notice how perfect the skull laid on top of the body, perfectly in place and perfectly crafted. The skull was immaculate, it was clean, no stains-nothing was left on it. I couldn’t get over the fact that body lay perfectly in tact, Henry’s suit without a stain of blood still in pristine condition. What lay in front of me was a man who had been tortured to death in a heart wrenching manner. Charlie had put him in restraints and delicately began stripping his skin off his face. As if he was carving a pumpkin, he drew lines on his face and cut ever so cautiously, making sure to stay within them. I was forced to watch him mutilate his face bit by bit. I knew it was only a matter of time he would finish Henry, and I would be next work of art. At first I grew sick sitting here in my own restraints, watching Henry cry and scream for help as he was tortured. Eventually I grew numb to this display, and began to, not necessarily enjoy watching, but appreciate how delicate Charlie was. Apparently he was a sculptor and a surgeon because he knew exactly where to cut and how to cut without making a mess.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
tango of arms
Hey, this piece is still very rough and I would love to hear your suggestions on how to improve the flow, I think it should also be longer. This piece is about a couple doing a tango, and I am having a lot of trouble trying to make it sound real. Its written in the format of dance steps.
Enjoy.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
right step together
2 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
left foot pivot, kick
block
3 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
armed at point
reverse box step
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
forward three steps
2 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
Repeat.
I wrote this piece as a metaphor for international relations and how it can be related to a tango. Both partners are fighting for control of the dance and their partner, neither side is willing to give up their power.
This is how I see the UN and the way it functions, no country is willing to give up their control and their sovereignty to anyone else, so they are constantly fighting.
Just as in a tango, countries are constantly changing, gaining and loosing land, such as the box step pattern of the dance, forward advance and retreat.
* The numbers in this piece are the actual dance counts.
So please tell me what you think or what you thinks could help to improve this piece.
Enjoy.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
right step together
2 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
left foot pivot, kick
block
3 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
armed at point
reverse box step
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
forward three steps
2 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
Repeat.
I wrote this piece as a metaphor for international relations and how it can be related to a tango. Both partners are fighting for control of the dance and their partner, neither side is willing to give up their power.
This is how I see the UN and the way it functions, no country is willing to give up their control and their sovereignty to anyone else, so they are constantly fighting.
Just as in a tango, countries are constantly changing, gaining and loosing land, such as the box step pattern of the dance, forward advance and retreat.
* The numbers in this piece are the actual dance counts.
So please tell me what you think or what you thinks could help to improve this piece.
This is Getting Ridiculous
Do strikes accomplish anything?
Because at this point, you'd think they would have come to a consensus. But still they have not. How long has it been going on? 3 months? 4 months? More?
Ontario's Ministry of Transportation has been on strike far too long.
Personally, I think that strikes accomplish very little and are selfish acts that are effecting the rest of us negatively. They are consumed with what they want, not thinking about the consequences that this will have on the rest of society. And after all this time, they're only going to negatively effect themselves.
Sure, the union may eventually get what they want, but at what cost? What's going to happen when all the angry teens swarm in to the ministry in hopes of finally getting their license? The drive test centres are going to be overwhelmed as people flood in, demanding to finally take the test to get their license. What if this causes carelessness when they're grading people, as they frantically rush to keep up with the demand of young drivers? How can we assure that young drivers are performing adequately, when the ministry is being negligent themselves? It will be hard to assure safety on the road if this strike continues for much longer.
As for myself, I should have had my license well over two months ago. That was when I had my test booked. But unfortunately, I had to call in and cancel. I re booked it to be in December, hoping that the strike would be over by then and I could therefore beat the rush of people booking their test in response to the end of the strike. But it looks like, yet again, I'm going to have to cancel my test.
Have any negotiations been made yet? Are they any closer to coming to an agreement?
It does not look like much progress has been made within the ministry.
As for the rest of us, we'll have to continue idly waiting for a consensus to be made.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Sorry for the angry rant. But it seems unfair to be denied the driving test when I'm a fully capable driver. I want the freedom of being able to drive; and I want my license before I graduate.
So what do you think? Do you agree? Have you heard any news of them getting closer to ending the strike? Do you have your licence?
Because at this point, you'd think they would have come to a consensus. But still they have not. How long has it been going on? 3 months? 4 months? More?
Ontario's Ministry of Transportation has been on strike far too long.
Personally, I think that strikes accomplish very little and are selfish acts that are effecting the rest of us negatively. They are consumed with what they want, not thinking about the consequences that this will have on the rest of society. And after all this time, they're only going to negatively effect themselves.
Sure, the union may eventually get what they want, but at what cost? What's going to happen when all the angry teens swarm in to the ministry in hopes of finally getting their license? The drive test centres are going to be overwhelmed as people flood in, demanding to finally take the test to get their license. What if this causes carelessness when they're grading people, as they frantically rush to keep up with the demand of young drivers? How can we assure that young drivers are performing adequately, when the ministry is being negligent themselves? It will be hard to assure safety on the road if this strike continues for much longer.
As for myself, I should have had my license well over two months ago. That was when I had my test booked. But unfortunately, I had to call in and cancel. I re booked it to be in December, hoping that the strike would be over by then and I could therefore beat the rush of people booking their test in response to the end of the strike. But it looks like, yet again, I'm going to have to cancel my test.
Have any negotiations been made yet? Are they any closer to coming to an agreement?
It does not look like much progress has been made within the ministry.
As for the rest of us, we'll have to continue idly waiting for a consensus to be made.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Sorry for the angry rant. But it seems unfair to be denied the driving test when I'm a fully capable driver. I want the freedom of being able to drive; and I want my license before I graduate.
So what do you think? Do you agree? Have you heard any news of them getting closer to ending the strike? Do you have your licence?
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Farewell to the Franks
The lights are down. The murmurs of the crowd slowly dwindle to a pregnant silence. I hear the shuffling of papers and purses, people shifting in their seats in the few moments before the first cue.
Inhale, Inhale, exhale.
Inhale, Inhale, exhale.
I take a few deep breaths, trying to ignore the sudden feeling of nausea and the bursts of both exhaustion and energy coursing through my body, keeping my fingers and heartbeat alive with ferocity. I curse myself for not thinking of going to the washroom before donning my multi-layered costume. Sigh. I never seem to learn.
Somehow, I manage to walk myself out of the wings and onstage. I am no longer a student at Sinclair Secondary - I have a character to portray from the instant the stage lights touch my face. I am alive with a different sort of drive, a passion that resonates and feeds off of my fellow actors. We have a story to tell, and God be damned if we won't do it well.
I go through the motions. I respond to every line, my heart thumping and my mind ready to cover any slip ups - we have all become quite seasoned at this skill, given the short amount of time we had to work on it.
The Diary of Anne Frank is tale that, no doubt, depicts a horrifying ending and unimaginable suffering - but what I learned throughout the five shows at Sinclair Theatre was that before the concentration camps and before the Nazi soldiers burst through the attic door, The Franks, Van Daans, Mr. Dussel... they all lived. They were individuals with personalities, with hopes and ambitions. Each and every person living in the annex dreamed of the future. What breaks my heart is coming to the understanding that, after the weeks I spent getting to know the character representation of these real people, they would never know a post-WWII life. Anne, Margot, Mrs. Frank, Peter Van Daan, Mr and Mrs Van Daan, Mr Pfieffer... they all died in concentration camps. Under Hitler's rule they hoped, feared and suffered. They never had the chance to breathe fresh air as free citizens. They were condemned to be prisoners.
Just as Miep and Mr Otto Frank survived the horror and the aftermath of the war, this show - my last fall show at Sinclair - will live on through memories. It will live on through the faces I see in the hallways, the words that, given a twist, could blend nicely into one of our lines.
It kills me a little inside to know that this is it for The Diary of Anne Frank, and that my time onstage is dwindling just like the inevitable pre-show noise of audience members. But I also know that as long as I hold onto the moments I do have, this experience will never truly leave me.
I go through the motions. I respond to every line, my heart thumping and my mind ready to cover any slip ups - we have all become quite seasoned at this skill, given the short amount of time we had to work on it.
The Diary of Anne Frank is tale that, no doubt, depicts a horrifying ending and unimaginable suffering - but what I learned throughout the five shows at Sinclair Theatre was that before the concentration camps and before the Nazi soldiers burst through the attic door, The Franks, Van Daans, Mr. Dussel... they all lived. They were individuals with personalities, with hopes and ambitions. Each and every person living in the annex dreamed of the future. What breaks my heart is coming to the understanding that, after the weeks I spent getting to know the character representation of these real people, they would never know a post-WWII life. Anne, Margot, Mrs. Frank, Peter Van Daan, Mr and Mrs Van Daan, Mr Pfieffer... they all died in concentration camps. Under Hitler's rule they hoped, feared and suffered. They never had the chance to breathe fresh air as free citizens. They were condemned to be prisoners.
Just as Miep and Mr Otto Frank survived the horror and the aftermath of the war, this show - my last fall show at Sinclair - will live on through memories. It will live on through the faces I see in the hallways, the words that, given a twist, could blend nicely into one of our lines.
It kills me a little inside to know that this is it for The Diary of Anne Frank, and that my time onstage is dwindling just like the inevitable pre-show noise of audience members. But I also know that as long as I hold onto the moments I do have, this experience will never truly leave me.
"Together, we'll weather
whatever tomorrow may bring.
So hear us rejoicing and merrily voicing
the Hannukah song that we sing."
Thank you, TDOAF cast and crew.<3
-END SCENE-
Thank you, TDOAF cast and crew.<3
-END SCENE-
For You A Thousand Times Over
Khaled Hosseini's novel The Kite Runner, was probably one of the best novels I've had to read for the English curriculum.
It was a haunting tale of the friendship between two young boys that are separated by class and race. The novel follows protagonist, Amir, through his life as he faces the endless guilt he harbors after an incident in the winter of 1975. It is a story of family, friendship and redemption that is sure to capture the heart of any one that reads it.
As powerful and meaningful the plot is, there are potential flaws presented in Hosseini's writing. I found that the writing was lacking description in certain areas and that the author tended to foreshadow too much, to the point where you knew how the situation was going to end before it actually did. "That was the last time..." or "I didn't know then, but I would never again..." were used too often, and didn't allow the reader to be surprised by the outcome.
Nonetheless, these small flaws do not take away from the overall quality of the novel. Even with the excessive foreshadowing, Hosseini still manages to hurl his fair share of surprises at the reader and produce an emotional ending.
The novel focuses on the importance of family and friend relationships and the struggles of life in Afghanistan. These two elements are sure to test the emotions of the reader. The characters are developed so thoroughly that it is hard not to feel an sentimental attachment to them. It takes the reader on an emotional roller coaster as they contemplate their true feelings toward the characters and their decisions.
In my opinion, this novel is a fantastic read. It is moving and unforgettable. Hosseini tackles such difficult topics in a beautiful manner. It exudes a haunting message that will forever have the reader contemplating the power of guilt.
I could easily read this novel
A thousand times over.
--------------------------------------
I feel that this review is kind of weak. I don't think that I explained my opinions very well, I don't feel that I did the novel justice. I would like suggestions on how to improve this review. What else could I add? And to those who have read it, do you agree? What did you like/dislike about the novel?
It was a haunting tale of the friendship between two young boys that are separated by class and race. The novel follows protagonist, Amir, through his life as he faces the endless guilt he harbors after an incident in the winter of 1975. It is a story of family, friendship and redemption that is sure to capture the heart of any one that reads it.
As powerful and meaningful the plot is, there are potential flaws presented in Hosseini's writing. I found that the writing was lacking description in certain areas and that the author tended to foreshadow too much, to the point where you knew how the situation was going to end before it actually did. "That was the last time..." or "I didn't know then, but I would never again..." were used too often, and didn't allow the reader to be surprised by the outcome.
Nonetheless, these small flaws do not take away from the overall quality of the novel. Even with the excessive foreshadowing, Hosseini still manages to hurl his fair share of surprises at the reader and produce an emotional ending.
The novel focuses on the importance of family and friend relationships and the struggles of life in Afghanistan. These two elements are sure to test the emotions of the reader. The characters are developed so thoroughly that it is hard not to feel an sentimental attachment to them. It takes the reader on an emotional roller coaster as they contemplate their true feelings toward the characters and their decisions.
In my opinion, this novel is a fantastic read. It is moving and unforgettable. Hosseini tackles such difficult topics in a beautiful manner. It exudes a haunting message that will forever have the reader contemplating the power of guilt.
I could easily read this novel
A thousand times over.
--------------------------------------
I feel that this review is kind of weak. I don't think that I explained my opinions very well, I don't feel that I did the novel justice. I would like suggestions on how to improve this review. What else could I add? And to those who have read it, do you agree? What did you like/dislike about the novel?
Sunday, November 15, 2009
The emperor's army
I stand!
I wait!
I protect!
My master
He sleeps
He dies
I stand!
I wait!
I protect!
He lays to rest
At my feet
Under my sword
I will stand!
I will wait!
I will protect!
He who may die
For the rest of time
I wrote this poem about the terracotta soldiers in china that were placed to protect the emperor in the after life, and how 1000's of years later they are still standing to protect him. How that time has no boundaries for some.
I protect!
My master
He sleeps
He dies
I stand!
I wait!
I protect!
He lays to rest
At my feet
Under my sword
I will stand!
I will wait!
I will protect!
He who may die
For the rest of time
I wrote this poem about the terracotta soldiers in china that were placed to protect the emperor in the after life, and how 1000's of years later they are still standing to protect him. How that time has no boundaries for some.
The Three repeating lines are almost a motto that the soldiers recite, that this is there duty and they will carry it out with pride and valor
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