Hello everyone, i trust you are having an enjoyable weekend.
This piece is unfinished, it doesn't have an ending yet/i don't now what will come next. If you have an suggestions, i would love to hear them, or tell me anything i should change.
Enjoy.
The most unlikely villian.
What comes to mind when you hear the word villian or evil. A hunched over mad scientist with crazy hair that looks like he got hit by bug zapper. Until this year that's what I thought, but before this year I had never met Marco Casswell.
Standing a mear 5'3 inches, with thick black rimded glasses and a green plaid shirt. His jeans rolled up at the cuffs because "they get wet in the winter snow" he says. At first glance Marco is you A typical nerd. He even carries masking tape in his pocket in case his glasses get broken.
You might think this is because some jock was picking on Marco and broke his glasses, but you would be dead wrong. Marco is the biggest drug lord in all of Penton, Massachusetts. He controlled everthing. Who gets what, how many Mg, what it will cost. Marco is smart enough to reolize that if he gives his "special friends" as he calls them to much they will overdose and the police will find out. Or the junkies will reolize that making drugs isn't that hard to do themselves. Marco controls everything, he has the teachers in his back pocket protector.
When I found out about Marco's operation I went straight to the Science Department Head to bust him. Marco uses the school itself as his drug lab, so nothing can be traced back to him. He has the whole school, as well as all the social groups working for him. The AV club uses the chem labs at lunch to "work on there applications for college chemistry programs", lame excuse, I know. They really use this time to make extacy. It sounds like a scene from Breaking Bad, but it doesn't stop there. Marco reolized that any idiot can grow marijunia in there basement with a grow lamp, and get caught by the cops on there weekly helocopter runs. They use the heat detector guns to find the grow houses. So Marco set up the grow lamps 10 meters away from the schools old boiler system. On the heat detector gun it shows up as one spot, and the police would never check a school as a possible grow house.
Marco has the environmental club managing that.
When i went to speak with Mr. Simons the Head of the Science Department about Marco and his extra-curricular activities at the school, Simons says to me "I will look into it." This roughly translates to "this is my pension your messing with, don't ruin it for me." Marco pays the teachers to keep quiet, the money he gives them is three times the amount they put into their pension plan every year. When your getting paid that much per month who wouldn't fall in line. Mr Simons has a daughter going to Harvard pre-law next year, he could never afford to send her there if he didn't take Marco's bribes.
Marco is a smart, resourceful monster. Preying on the dreams and aspirations of people, manipulating them to do whatever he wants. Marco says jump, you say how high, that's it, no questions asked.
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Hrmm this was cute! I liked the concept and how you started it off, it drew you right into the story :D How did you get the idea for this? It's really neat.
ReplyDeleteMy only suggestion would be to spellcheck.
There were a handful of mistakes / grammatical errrors.
"Marco says jump, you say how high, that's it, no questions asked."
ReplyDeleteThis has to be my favourite line from this piece! that and "Marco has the environmental club managing that." These lines are in-your-face and to the point. They create a feeling of strict order and obedience, which is exactly how Marco operates. Clever lines!
I do, however, suggest to spell check! Nothing takes away from writing more than errors - because when other writers/editors read it, they'll be the first to notice and get thrown off from the storyline and characters.
Also, I think this piece (as well as the rest of your story) would greatly benefit from using a variety of punctuation such as semicolons, colon and dashes. They'll help the piece not seem like a story, but an actual person telling their story with emotion! :)
I love the the whole concept - an extended version of the flawed criminal justice system, if you ask me. I love the quirkiness you gave to Marco's character. It makes him mysterious and gives him a certain high school 'label' to hide under.
I love how you began this piece about a character! Im my mind, you could have the most intricate, creative plot the world has ever seen but without a strong sense of the character(s), it would be fragmented and distant. So my advice is to really develop your characters! Keep in mind, when you're writing, about who is speaking/thinking the words you are writing - how would they talk, how would they see this Marco character, how do they know what they know? Your writing shouldn't reflect you as much as it does your characters.
Those are just suggestions. I love the idea! I can't wait to read more. Did you do some research, or how did you come up with the storyline?
Thanks guys, to be honest, i didn't know that bloggers had a spell check, i thought it was similar to facebook posts, with no spell check.
ReplyDeleteThank you for all of your comments.
I came up with this story when i was sitting in my data management class, the guy next to me was really tired, so his friend offered him something. At the time i thought they were talking about drugs.
So it got me thinking, the most unlikely type of person to do anything wrong would be a nerd. Also nerdie childs take math, as well as alot of science coarses. So it would be possible that they could find a recipe for extacy online and sell it out a a math class.