Half, full, or crescent moon,
All of which, come much too soon
The days of summer, so quickly end
The sun, the beach, the river bends
Days disappear, as does the light
The memories of summer nights
We loose track of all the time
September arrives with the flip of a dime
Back through those doors, the time has come
Where homework, books, and work are from
It does us well, much to our dismay
Time to say goodbye, to summer days
I know this is a very short poem, but I want to talk about it a bit. I know it is very, very raw and there is not a lot to it but it was a quick thought that I just typed out and in my surprise have not yet deleted. I write so much that I don’t like and instead of looking at what I did not like about it, I delete it and start from scratch. I think leaving my rough work to be picked apart is a good way to improve and create a more complex and more sophisticated piece of work for my upcoming blogs. I am content with the first stanza, however I’m not sure what I think about the river bends rhyme. I’m also not sure about the last line of the second stanza. I think this poem could have potential, and I might blog the next part in a week or two. This could be an interesting poem to write with the help of you within the next few weeks so please give me some tips and help me add to it and make it into something I’m proud of!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
This is a great thing to post Taylor! I like how you're asking for advice-can I suggest more punctuation?
ReplyDeleteThis is a simplistic and beautiful poem! The mood that you create as you describe the passing of summer is very effective; it's with a happy sort of sadness that we say goodbye to it. I believe you captured that essence perfectly.
ReplyDeletethe river bends was actually one of my favourite lines! it is methaphorical and paints a lovely picture.
well done, i love this :)