"Heaven hath no rage
like love to hatred turned,
Nor hell a fury
Like a woman scorned"
Like a woman scorned"
Love isn't blind;
Unlike anger set free.
I lash out with closed eyes
at what I once treasured;
Ruining for others
Ruining for others
What I no longer see.
Love isn't blind
like malevolency.
A deep rooted desire
For reciprocation;
All you have coming
You first gave to me
You should've known better;
You created a monster.
Love isn't blind
Love isn't blind
But my revenge
will be.
will be.
**********
This was just written specifically for this blog post so I had something to blog about, but I kind of like it.
The 'love is blind' lines kind of break the flow... and at first that was what I was intending but I'm not sure if I like the effect...
Any comments, criticisms or tips would be useful!
Just tell me what you think!
"A deep rooted desire
ReplyDeleteFor reciprocation;"
I LOVE this line repetition of the 'r" sound is lovely!
"Heaven hath no rage
like love to hatred turned,
Nor hell a fury
Like a woman scorned" << this really sets the tone for the piece! what is this caleld, an epigraph? i think so. good choice! it ties up the ending!
i feel like the "Love isn't blind.. anger set free" part takes away from the essence of the epigraph (not your writing) and its connection to "i lash out with closed eyes" (which IS your writing..)
but i say keep them in the rest of the piece, for sure! the repetition is very effective.
this is short and (i would say sweet, but ..)daunting!
not sure what you mean by "ruining for others",
but then again, not all poetry is supposed to be clear cut! :)
i enjoyed reading this.
i too enjoyed reading this. however, i'm not entirely sure i understood the message of this poem - but that's what i love about poetry- it's about interpretation. like you mentioned, the flow isn't perfect; but i like the effect of the choppy flow. it adds to the tone.
ReplyDeleteI interpreted a few different emotions and ideas from this poem, which i think is great because you've left it open for the reader interpretation, and even though if its not the same as your intended view, it is still enjoyable. The one thing i'd change is your use of italics, it didn't seem consistent to me, and i was looking for some common among them that related back to the first stanza.
ReplyDelete