Sunday, October 18, 2009

The Dying Dead have not Died

What’s dead, has died; no longer alive,
Immortally; a myth, does not exist,
If this is real, then what I feel is fake,
Ignore, I must, what I feel while ‘wake.

For what has died, is dead, no longer living;
The reborn are illusions of the delusional.
My dreams must have spilt into my reality,
As my heart soars towards nothing.

What’s gone has died, and is dead,
My emotions are zombies, roaming
This plain; a baron land they wander,
Lost in confusion, lead by wonder.

In death, something dies, and ceases to exist,
This must hold true, for whom I miss;
No longer in my arms, no longer I can kiss;
I pray and pray, but my arms remain empty.

They say the dead are at peace,
But why they must rest on my heart?
Haunted by memories, that roll down my cheek.
Taunted by voices; the lonely are weak.

I wish to rest, to be at ease;
But I don’t believe; The dead die,
And are no longer alive,
My heart still beats, and I wonder why.

Passion died along with love,
Yet I swear I’ve seen them ‘round,
I feel them in my hands, and my heart,
Although we’re worlds apart;

I wish to rest, to be at ease;
But I all I need is to believe,
That the air is thick with her,
And my arms are no longer empty

What’s dead has died, no longer alive,
But I’ll argue that is a lie.


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Is this a good poem? Should I use better punctuation? Did I have any spelling mistakes or grammar that doesn't seem fitting? What was your overall impression?

3 comments:

  1. Van
    this
    is
    fantastic!

    i meant it when i said i wish i could write like you! your perspectives and thoughts are so uniquely phrased and put together.

    i absolutely love the repetition of the idea:
    "What’s dead, has died; no longer alive"
    and beginning the next stanza,
    "For what has died, is dead, no longer living."

    very clever! great emphasis!

    the ending helps us readers better understand the character and his suffering.

    just watch your use of the semi-colon. and i think this line sounds a bit awkward/out of place:
    "In death, something dies, and ceases to exist"

    but that's all.
    i love this! well done.

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  2. i absolutely love this poem!

    the repetition truly makes it captivating. i think your punctuation is good, but i do agree with Diana that you may have over used the semi - colon. i was going to pick out my favourite lines, but i decided that would take too long. however, i think the line "But I all I need is to believe," has a typo.

    otherwise, great tone and flow. awesome!

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  3. Another amazing poem, poetry is definitley a strong point in your writing.. but then again that garfield related story was incredible. I really enjoy reading your writing because of the way you choose to word your opinions and ideas, your choice of words is unique and interesting!

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