Have you got 5 hours to kill?
Have you got 5 minutes to die?
Are you willing to make a change?
Are you even willing to try?
Stop staring at the computer
Their controlling
Your life
Stop pointing the gun at the
Innocent,
Point it at the ones responsible
For your
Suffering.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself
Start trying to
Fix it,
And stop pretending you're not
Listening to me.
Realize your fear
Set aside your pride
Start talking when your scared
Stop trying to hide.
Live with your faults
Survive in your guilt
And stop thinking your
The only one feeling that way.
And I know you're feeling
This way because you're
In front
Of me
Now
And I'm the one controlling
Your life And I'm the one
You're pointing the gun at.
So go ahead.
I dare you.
Shoot.
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i really like the way you accentuated certain lines and punched specific, powerful words in this poem... like "Innocent/sufffering/fix it, etc.."
ReplyDeletei also think your opening with questions in this poem is a very clever move! i might try separating it as a prelude perhaps? (and if you separate the questions in a stanza on their own, i might do the same to the las three lines. just a thought.)hmm. i dont know. but i really liked them, the first two lines especially!!
i actually liked the fact that you didnt use much punctuation. it made me focus more on the words rather than the intended narrative or flow.
clear tone, strong and consistent. good job! :)
Great poem, I always like your poetry, it's always unique, yet still follows your personal style. My only suggestion is to help your flow by adding some commas, other than that, this is excellent.
ReplyDeletegreat job, i like your use of enphasis on some of the lines, help the readers to stop and pay attention to the point you were trying to prove
ReplyDelete