Hey, this piece is still very rough and I would love to hear your suggestions on how to improve the flow, I think it should also be longer. This piece is about a couple doing a tango, and I am having a lot of trouble trying to make it sound real. Its written in the format of dance steps.
Enjoy.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
right step together
2 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
left foot pivot, kick
block
3 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
armed at point
reverse box step
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
forward three steps
2 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
Repeat.
I wrote this piece as a metaphor for international relations and how it can be related to a tango. Both partners are fighting for control of the dance and their partner, neither side is willing to give up their power.
This is how I see the UN and the way it functions, no country is willing to give up their control and their sovereignty to anyone else, so they are constantly fighting.
Just as in a tango, countries are constantly changing, gaining and loosing land, such as the box step pattern of the dance, forward advance and retreat.
* The numbers in this piece are the actual dance counts.
So please tell me what you think or what you thinks could help to improve this piece.
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I know nothing about dancing but this is a cool metaphor and set up for a poem. While I feel it's effective as it is, I feel like you could almost do more with it, and somehow tie in the fact that it's supposed to be a metaphor for international relations, because looking at it right now there is no possible way anyone would know it WASN'T just literally about a dance.
ReplyDeleteStill, very cool concept and piece.
I think this was a really cool concept, but until you mentioned it, I did not see the relation between the two things at all. Maybe play around with the words to get the metaphor across? Or maybe mention the struggle between the partners, because it seems like it's literally dance steps and not a struggle for control. Nonetheless, cool idea. I like how many of your pieces are metaphors.
ReplyDeletei did not at all get the international relations aspect of this piece. very unique idea, but it wasn't altogether clear. I think you could develop this piece to incorporate these aspects even better.
ReplyDeletei like rebecca's idea about the struggle for control. good idea!
Thank you for your comments and concerns.
ReplyDeleteIts written as a dance, but most of the words have a doubler meaning or sound like they are from dance but are actual battle words. Block- to stop an offensive movement.
Armed at point, you can point your arm, but armed at point is a reference to battle.
Thank you again.