Hello everyone, i trust you are having an enjoyable week end, this was my original beat poem, it isn't long enough to be the piece i hand in. Keep in mind that this is unchanged from when i wrote it and it should not be left on any kitchen table.
So i hope you don't enjoy it, because this is a very angry, discriminator piece.
I apologize to the people who have already read it. Sorry.
Collapsed in a pool of spit and blood
bags of coke scatter
molded floors of crack dens
to get the next fix
half the body limp
of suffocation and self incrimination
Willing to sleep anywhere to escape
frozen nights on cement floors and broken windows
scattered minds and needles
Loneliness
Heartache
Murderous vision
Capital punishment
Voodoo craving
Loathing
Withdrawal
Poverty
fags in drags
fuck to the beat of self deprivation
fiends
kicked out by the men
of cars and masturbation
improvement of the same
fucking low some creature
We all are.
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I actually do like this a lot!
ReplyDeleteYou could maybe submit it as a freeverse? I dunno.
I really like the imagery in lines like 'frozen nights on cement floors and broken windows
scattered minds and needles'
and
'fags in drags
fuck to the beat of self deprivation'
j'aime!
But at the end do you mean to say 'loathesome'? or is it supposed to be low some? just wondering.
i wanted to hand it in as a free verse actually, but mrs.H said that the free verse is supposed to be different from the beat, in terms of subject matter.
ReplyDeleteit is supposed to be loathesome,thanks
i actually really like this a lot too! I think that this could be a free verse because the beat poems are more of a rant and this seems more structured.
ReplyDeleteIt was very vivid and to the point. I could really sense the emotion in it. And for those reasons, I really like it. :)
oo this is probably one of my favourite pieces by you! and i think jordan caught on to all the specific lines that i felt were really powerful.
ReplyDeletethe imagery and subject matter were very strong! well done!