OK, i started out with a clear vision of what i wanted this piece to sound like but it got lost along the way, i think somewhere in the middle of the third stanza, and i think the end shout have a bigger punch to it. tell me what you think
you will never wash away
a guilt that runs so deep
that gnawing,
aching,
knowing.
It feeds on your bones
and slashes you inside
leaving you hollow,
empty,
nothing.
the blood inches further up
your crimson hands a blaze
deprivation and guilt
will follow you great lady
wash and wash
as much as you please
but the mess will still be there
because blood never fades
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I like this piece! Very Lady MacBeth!
ReplyDeleteI'm assuming there was a bit of allusion to that?
I feel like the ending ALMOST has enough punch, but could maybe be made even more powerful.
watch your spelling! sometimes i dont always understand what you are meaning, especially in poem's.
ReplyDeletebut i agree with jordan, that your ending could be a bit more powerful, because the theme and build up deserves it!
and yes, very lady macbeth! ;)