This piece is a poem i wrote about my best friend and when she had to quit rhythmic gymnastics.
Enjoy.
My life before now...
Before this year all i did
ever since i was a kid
was rhythmic, school, and sleep.
Everyday was rhythmic, school, and sleep.
The schedule never changing
though the rain drops re-arranging.
The resume is impressive
the timing was excessive
Aeriels, splits, walk overs and all
until this year, my friend gene pool was small
until this year, i was blankly happy
until this year, my people skills were crappy
until i was forced to quit what i love
did i truly learn to sore like a dove
Hello again. This poem really deals with the aftermath of having to abandon something you love so much. Whether this is a sport, or a piece of writing, or a person, it will always hurt.
Biography of the subject: She was born on November 16th, 1992. At the age of five, she fell love with the sport of rhythmic gymnastics. She was very talented and rose to the provincial level of competitive competition. But at the age of 14, after an unfortunate accident, injured her shoulder and was no longer able to continue with gymnastics that year. After extensive physiotherapy, it was concluded that she would never again be able to compete in rhythmic, and was force to permanently retire.
The poem is more a confession, the vein attempts to make herself feel better. When we must leave something that has been such a big part of your life, its human nature to try and perk yourself up again. In this case, she is reminding herself of all the reasons that she disliked rhythmic. All the reasons that her life was so structured and was never able to just hang out with her friends.
Lines such as blankly happy, deal with the reasons that you do these things. Just going to practise for the sake of just going to practise. The excitement is predominantly gone, and now its just routine. The rains drops are explaining the passage of time, and the fact that you have been doing the same thing every single day for the past decade.
There is also alot of cross examining of her life, all the things she has or has done, contrasting all the things that she wishes she had. The secong verse is more the style of a pro/con list. Its her debating back and forth the good and bad of what her life has been like before this point.
*If you do know the name of the person that inspired this piece, please do not say it. Just out of respect.
Please tell me what you thought of this piece, or your own interpretations.
What I noticed about your writing is that a lot of your sentences are short, which is great. Run on sentences can really take away from a piece of writing, and I'm horribly guilty of it.
ReplyDeleteNow for the actual poem, I felt it was simple, and could of used some juicier adjectives or synonyms. I felt it had a good structure, but could of used some strong vocabulary.
Although your sentences were short and simple I think it was mroe effective because it is so clear and to the point. Your italics and commas made it easy to read because it was clear how you wanted it to be read. I also really liked the analogies you used
ReplyDeleteI think it was a good poem, and the paragraphs following allowed the reader insight into the meaning. The only thing I would recommend would be to watch your punctuation, and spelling so you don't take away from the writing itself.
ReplyDelete:)
ReplyDeleteLike what has already been said, i love the simplicity of your poem. i also really liked the repetition of the line "rhythmic, school and sleep." i thought it was very effective and emphasized the mood of the poem.
I also think that your poem could benefit from a little variation in punctuation! it helps to add a voice to writing - even if you want that voice to sound 'dull'.