My love come close;
My love hold tight;
The fog will clear,
And I’ll still be here
My love don’t fret;
My love listen up;
The rain will pass,
The grass will dry,
My love don’t cry;
My love will you smile;
The sun sets in the west,
But will rise in the east,
My love, don’t forget;
My love, don’t regret;
The past is fast asleep-
But I’m still wide awake
I wish you could, see these eyes;
I wish you could, understand why;
Honesty never lies,
And loyalty never dies,
I wish you could,trust the air;
I wish you could,see my stare;
Do you dare,
Knowing that I care?
My love, you see the night sky;
My love, you see the clouds passing by;
But why can’t you see my anxious hands,
That wait to be met by yours?
I’m suffering from a strange sickness,
That’s all to familiar to me,
I’m suffering from a strange sickness,
That only you can cure.
------
I wrote this afternoon, perfect day for writing I must add. Overcast with a bit of rain, always tends to draw some creativity from me.
This poem is basically about someone expressing their care and loyalty to someone while being completely infatuated with them. I felt that there are 3 emotions that are very powerful and they motivate us to great things, scary things, and insane things. Those emotions are happyness, anger and love. When I write poetry, I tend to gravitate towards one of those emotions as they are so powerful and the words come naturally.
So let me know what you liked, what you didn't like, what I did right, what I did wrong ect,ect.
Thanks for reading,
-Van
Sunday, September 27, 2009
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I LOVE THIS!
ReplyDelete"The past is fast asleep-
But I’m still wide awake"
this is very clever! .. and quite eloquent. well done. an intellectual/artistic comparison.
"I wish you could, see these eyes;
I wish you could, understand why;"
I really think you used the comma in a bit of a unique way, here. It tells the readers to pause between these four phrases and help in the telling of your story. It is a refreshing use of the comma/tone.
"My love don’t fret;
My love listen up;"
my only suggestion, really, is to change up the second line in this stanza! it doesn't seem to fit in with the tone/language of the rest of the poem; it is very blunt. reinforce that flow! just a thought.
your tone was powerful, light and consistent. well done van! :)
Van this was so well written! I loved the repetition in the "My love" and "I wish". It created a brilliant tone and consistency with your message. Your oxymorons and rhyming schemes made the poem very interesting and catchy.
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