The world seems brighter,
And the skies seem clearer.
I feel much lighter,
And my goals seem nearer.
Things are going my way,
And others are more polite.
It feels like a good day,
And my decisions feel right.
My problems are gone now,
And I feel care free:
No fear in my heart, or sweat on my brow.
And every thing is fine by me.
I won't make a mistake,
As a path is laid before me.
I finally feel awake,
Like I can finally see.
I will hold on to this feeling,
(Because I know it won't last)
My mind will start reeling;
Happiness a thing of the past.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Okay, so I know this poem is quite random. It kinda bothers me... its almost too happy. But I was in a good mood when I wrote it, and felt like writing something cheerful. Then I started talking to my sister about Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, and I thought of the potion (Felix Felicis) Harry drank that gave him good luck. This poem is - in a sense- about how you would feel if you drank that potion, and everything seems clear.
So what are your thoughts? Suggestions? Do you think the ending takes away from the optimistic and positive outlook that is present in the rest of the poem? Do you think the fact that I broke the pattern/repetition in the last two stanzas takes away from the poem? I also feel that the line "No fear in my heart, or sweat on my brow," takes away from the flow of the poem, but I can't think of a way to fix it - suggestions? Any criticisms would be appreciated.
:D
harry potter = the cure to any and all unfortunate and unpleasant emotions. :)
ReplyDeletei LOVE the way you began this poem: "Today I am happy." it immediately sets teh tone without dancing around the topic with flowery language.
The first two stanzas really develop your feelign of freedom, carefree happiness.
"And the skies seem clearer.
I feel much lighter,
And my goals seem nearer."
"It feels like a good day,
And my decisions feel right."
I LOVE these lines. these really affected me while i was reading, just the simplistic nature of them, the casual wording, occurences, etc. focusing on these aspects i feel enhanced your poem greatly.
the 3rd anf fourth stanzas i found a little oddly worded, and didn't keep that same feeling of meditation and happiness that the first 2 stanzas did. the tone was meant to be the same, but the way it was all worded took away from the feeling i was looking for and had gotten used to.
but that's only my feeling.
overall, i enjoyed reading this - thanks for making me a great deal less stressed! :)
I loved the light hearted mood to this poem. I usually don't find myself writing such positive and happy poems, but it makes me happy to read someone elses!haha.
ReplyDeleteThings are going my way,
And others are more polite.
It feels like a good day,
And my decisions feel right.
this stanza is definitely one of my favourite and I think it well describes how clear you described everything to be. Especially the line "And my decisions feel right." As if everything that usually goes wrong is finally going your way. I really liked this poem
i like the refences to harry potter. always a classic.
ReplyDeleteit does feel alittle to sugary ans sweet, but i think it works for this piece. When you are having a day like that it doesn't matter that its too sweet. you don't say, ive had such a good day i think something bad should happen.
good rhymeing scheme. and i liked the change at the end, every effective.