I don't feel bad,
do you?
I'm not sad,
are you?
I'm kinda glad,
your not.
I'm not mad,
you are.
You're a cad,
I'm not
We were rad,
together.
We were a leaf. Beautiful, full of energy, and life, but the leave is shriveled, and now it has to fall to the ground and die. Its nature.
Only we weren't a leaf, and we didn't have to die.YOU KILLED US and that is why...
Justice is a cruel mistress.
----------------------------------------------------------
OK, i saw a friend of mine this weekend, that i hadn't seen in a long time, we had a huge falling out, and now we barely speak to one another. So i wrote this poem writing from that point of view, what its like to see one of your oldest friend that you aren't friends with anymore.
I wrote this piece as a gloat, and i specifically used the cheesey rhyming scheme, to show the childishness of this situation. Then, the character just gets so frustrated and angry at their friend that they just start to scream all the reasons why they are so distant now. The whole point of this is to show the line justice is a cruel mistress, that you did betrayed me and now you are going to pay.
I'm not proud of this piece. I'm glad that i wrote about this topic, but not proud of the fact that the character is basking in the failure of their friend. Payback might be a b****, but i don't want to like that and i don't want my characters too either.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
i actually like the 'childish' rhyming! simplistic, to the point and effective. and i like the change with "we were rad / together." (using the one word). i feel it is a good spot to end that portion, it keeps the poem fresh and more real.
ReplyDeletehowever, i think you could have played around with the paragraph/mini-rant. typography and spacing, that sort of thing, because i felt like it was completely separate from the initial poem you wrote. and its nice when readers can tie things together, even if it doesn't have the same rhyme scheme.
:)
I agree with diana, i think the 'childish' writing style was actually very effective. I really liked the simplicity and 'straight forwardness' of this poem, more punctuation or playing around with the way it was arranged would have maybe added some more interest
ReplyDeleteInteresting format. Hmm, I'd try and use the textformatting of blogger to help define your poem a bit more here, I really like what you've written and agree with what others have stated, but I feel that this could be great if you helped outline things for a bit more.
ReplyDelete