My hands are clamped tightly around the circular object I was holding. I kept my hands gripped, but my fingers began anxiously drumming a thoughtless rhythm. My hands were clamped so tightly that my knuckles were turning white. My hands felt cold; numb...
Time was running out. My foot began to tap out of tune with my drumming fingers. I couldn't see far ahead, my vision was limited to a few feet in front of me. I kept glancing around nervously. I hadn't moved in a while. I stretched out my back, trying to relieve the tension that was building. A cold bead of sweat trickled down my spine. This shouldn't be taking so long, I thought, glancing around some more. I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself, knowing that I'd be too late...
The clock continued to race forward.
Then, suddenly, the threat of the passing time was no longer my only problem... I was now stuck. I couldn't move forward. I couldn't move backward. I was trapped. And the seconds continued to tick by. I ran my hands through my hair, nervously. My head felt moist. I was sweating. What is going on? I wondered, this should be over by now. My eyes kept darting to my watch. Was I too late or was my watch running fast? I clenched my hands again, trying to reassure myself. My business suit, suddenly felt too tight. I tugged at it, uncomfortable. It served as a dark reminder of where I had to be...
I looked up from the racing second hand, to see I could finally move forward. I was flooded with relief. But what if I'm too late? I thought, as I hastily wiped away the sweat, and inched anxiously forward. Then an eerily cheerful voice loomed:
"Welcome to Tim Horton's, can I take your order?"
"It's about time!"
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
haha this is very clever rebecca!
ReplyDeleteI loved how you kept it mysterious and vague throughout the entire piece. Your descriptions of anxiety and feverishness (sp?)made this piece easy to relate to! ...which is exactly what makes it effective.
The only thing i would change a little bit would be the first sentence. It sort of tells the reader that you are trying to be vague, you know? but seriously, that's it. i thoroughly enjoyed this. :)
Interesting piece, i like how you keep the actual meaning a surprise till the end, its very effective.
ReplyDeleteI have to agree with diana i enjoyed it.
my only suggesttion is to possible explain some of the relief the character feels after they can finally order
:) That was fun. I wasn't expecting your little twist at the end at all. Your description in this is great, it's vivid and strong. I agree with diana about the first sentence but other than that I have no complaints.
ReplyDeleteThis was excellently written!
ReplyDeleteIt builds the suspense and leads our mind in all sorts of directions, then answers all our questions about the scene!
What an adorable concept :)
What gave you your inspiration for this? So rad.
But yeah, I think its the 'circular object' that made it obvious that you were being vague.