We stepped outside ourselves and started looking in.
Your endless stream of counterfeit ideas took me in.
The train has left, your time is up, you know that this was hard...
But don't expect a postcard.
The lies, the lies, you took me by surprise
With your duplicity
The lies, the lies, they all fell for your disguise
But you're no longer fooling me
With your duplicity
I've started liking public places, brushing against strangers
Makes me feel more human though I do realize the dangers
As humanity is the part of me -
The part of me that fell for your duplicity
The lies, the lies, your hands covered my eyes.
You and your duplicity.
The lies, the lies, you think you're very wise...
But you're no longer fooling me;
I've moved your hands and I can see
Your duplicity.
You threw me off course - but you won't win this time
I can see the daggers hiding in your eyes and I'm sorry
that I ever thought you knew me.
I've moved your hands and I can see,
You are no longer fooling me
With your duplicity.
The lies, the lies, these things that you devise...
Oh your duplicity.
The lies, the lies, I've said my last goodbyes
To your duplicity.
**************************
So, I wrote this solely based on the fact that I really like the word duplicity.
I wrote it probably close to a year ago now, and it is a song so it's kind of hard to read it properly without the musical accompaniment - but alas, I am too lazy to record anything. Nor do i have the proper equipment.
So critique based on the lyrical content.
(although some of the flow issues would make more sense if you did hear it with music)
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Good use of repitition on some of the phases it helped to reinforce your view
ReplyDeleteThis a very creative piece
Would like to hear the accompaniment, to get the full effect of the piece
I really like these lyrics. They're very nicely written. I would love to hear it accompanied with music. (Even though I think it has a good flow without it too)
ReplyDeleteThe repetition was used effectively, and the metaphors added to the overall message.
Nice work.
I'm always sort of hesitant to write 'songs' because of the lack of musical accompaniment that carries the lyrics.. but i dont think that it mattered with this piece. Even without the melody, this set of lyrics is quite lovely.
ReplyDeletethis piece really helps the reader develop an understanding for the meaning being the word duplicity. It seems quite elegant, but is, in fact, a carefully constructed concept. this was clear in your presentation!
the only thing i might change is in the first two lines, you rhyme with 'in' with 'in'.. It might be me, but i would switch it up - unless you did it on purpose. but that's just a suggestion.
well done, jordan!! :)
Your style is very appropriate for this piece, excellent use of repetition and metaphors, at times they can often take away from the writing, and sometimes are seen as an attempt at seeming like a good writer, but you used it excellently. Great theme too, love how you connect the title with your stlye.
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